62 Reflection Chapter: The 28th and Final Letter

An open letter for Friends’ Day, to the friends we lost, the friends we kept, and the friends we still carry with us

The 27 letters I once wrote always felt unfinished to me.

I don’t think I ever really planned to write more, but I knew they were unfinished. For this letter, I wanted to address the people I loved and still love, without naming them. I know this: I need to close this chapter, because there will always be people I miss, people I have not said “I love you” to, and people I cared for but never told enough.

So this final letter is to all of you. It is an imaginary conversation I have sometimes when I think of you.

So this is that letter.

The 28th and final one.

Hey you,

It’s been a while.

How have you been? How are things? What did you become?

I kinda feel stupid. I still talk about you often, and honestly, these past few years, months you have been on my mind. Sometimes I look at old pictures.

Could you tell me your dreams again?

You know, I kept our secrets safe! Kept all your gifts. Have you kept mine?

Do you remember that day we laughed and couldn’t stop? Remembering it makes my cheeks hurt.

Have you smiled like that ever since?

Was life rough at any point? If so, I am sorry I wasn’t there for you. I wish I could’ve been. I would have helped you if I had known, even if it was from the shadows.

Hey, do you remember what happened between us?

Sometimes I still have trouble sleeping over it. I won’t deny I shed a river of tears.

I am sorry for what happened.

You’re sorry? For what?

Oh, that? Don’t worry.

You know I really cared and loved you.

And

I still do!

I remember our last hug.

I even remember the last bad movie we saw together.

hmm? You’re right, we are old now, but too old to die young!

Am I happy?

I don’t know how to answer that.

Sometimes I am. Other times life is hard. I think I changed, but some pieces of me are still the same.

I still laugh at stupid things. I still think too much. I still remember things I probably should have forgotten by now.

And you? Are you happy?

Did life turn out the way you hoped?

Did you become the person you wanted to be?

I hope you did.

And if you didn’t, I hope you are still trying.

Me? What did I become?

I don’t really know. I am still trying.

Maybe I became someone kinder. Maybe someone sadder. Maybe someone who finally understands that love does not always mean staying.

I became someone who remembers too much, but also someone who is learning to let go.

I still carry people with me. Maybe that is stupid. Maybe that is just who I am.

Some people leave quietly. Some leave and take part of you. Some leave and somehow still sit next to you years later, in a song, in a picture, in a random memory that hits you on a normal day.

Honestly, you are one of those people.

But I still remember you and miss you.

Know that I no longer long for answers that only you can give. I found them by moving forward while carrying the memories of our friendship.

As long as my light shines, I’ll carry them forward with me.

Wherever life has taken you, I hope it is kind to you, like you were to me.

Happy Friends’ Day.

With warmth, kindness, and all the love that I possess,

Andy

Author’s note: This final letter needed to be written, because some part of me that started those letters is slipping through my fingers and gently pushing me forward, telling me it is okay to close this chapter.