Life chapter: thirty seven
well, not sure where this is going, i just felt like writing on the eve of my birthday. i never liked the month of december and well, my birth is the 10th of december. i think i am not fully ready to explain why i hate the month of december but i can explain what used to go on in my head around my birthday, and i think most people have those thoughts at some point.
around every birthday i tried to escape it. i didn’t want to think about it. i usually travelled or just numbed it out and avoided social media at all cost. let’s start with the social media part.
i used to turn off social media, disable it so people wouldn’t wish me happy birthday. i stopped doing that some years ago. the reason? it was so weird to me that people wished me happy birthday just because a notification popped up saying “hey, it is this person’s bday” and then suddenly they wished you happy birthday. might sound selfish but it made me uncomfortable. it felt staged. you never heard of those people, suddenly they said happy birthday? that was weird to me.
however, when the people that love me for me send a message, i appreciate it. it makes me happy. i smile at the message. it makes me genuinely happy to see it.
people who don’t send anything, i don’t think of it. i don’t really care, i guess. i know getting messages is supposed to be nice from people on social media, but frankly i don’t like it. it makes me feel uncomfortable. yep, i am weird that way: annoyed at messages i get from people i haven’t heard of in ages, smiling when i get it from the people i care about, and not caring at all if you forgot, life is busy for everyone.
but honestly, fuck it. i decided that tomorrow i am taking my camera and spending the day in a city nearby, stuffing my face with one piece of cake and my fav subway.
i feel silly. silly for this weird thought i have had for years, which makes sense to me but doesn’t deserve the energy i have given it for years.
this aside, this is probably the part that all of us share around our birthdays and the end of the year.
wtf have i done this year?
what will i be doing next year?
i need to work harder on this or that.
where did the time go.
damn i am old now.
why am i still single?
i should get married.
i need to start having kids.
should i keep going? no, right? you get the point i am trying to make.
Tomorrow i will say fuck it to this too. i am going to take a chill pill, live life and worry less. it’s fine. everything is fine. let’s just vibe around our birthdays. no stress.
i let you in on a secret, something no one knows. we all have our heroes. i have a couple and my childhood hero is called yoh asakura from shaman king and his quote through the anime and manga is this: “everything will work out.”
later i realised that yoh was influenced by reggae and i am pretty sure he listened to bob marley. that being said: “don’t worry about a thing because every little thing is gonna be alright.”
Three Little Birds ( Don't Worry About a Thing ) - Bob Marley
anyway, enough rambling. i am gonna listen to that track now and take volume 1 of shaman king with me to the cafe tomorrow.
loads of love,
take care
Andy,
Going to enjoy my last hours as a 36 years old guy.
R.I.P my Llalla (grandma) She enjoyed life while fighting cancer.