Life Chapter: Before the Train Departs
The train station scene in movies has always stuck with me. There’s a certain romance to it, and I’ve always liked the metaphor it carries about life, time, and growth. So for this Life Chapter, I used it as a metaphor.
I’m about to board another train, and I can’t help but glance around the station. As I sit down, I start to wonder if I’ll ever see Claire again.
My best friend. The one I still care deeply for. When it comes to her, I still feel conflicted. I thought we were close, thick as thieves. Was it only an impression? Were we ever as close as I thought? What happened to it? How did we come to this? There are so many questions: none of them carry negative emotions, only incomprehension.
I take out my phone and scroll through her posts on social media. I know she’s having a tough time right now. What bothers me is that I can’t really reach out. It feels awkward to do so. Would it even be welcome? I can’t stay with these thoughts and feelings, so I decided to send her a small gift and wish her a happy birthday. What happens next is out of my hands. Thirteen days left until her birthday, as I write this. I just want to remain kind to her despite everything that happened.
That might make me a fool, an idiot, maybe even crazy. She said she was done with our friendship. But if I didn’t reach out once more, I’d regret it. So no matter how she reacts, I want to stay kind to her.
I miss my friend. Over the past few months, I’ve wanted to reach out so many times, but what would I even say? It’s awkward either way. That’s why I thought the best timing would be her birthday.
I bought her a gift, unsure if it will reach her in time. I hope she likes it. I hope she knows I still care, despite our falling out.
So before boarding the next train and continuing my journey, I just wondered, can we put this falling out behind us? Maybe, somewhere down the line, we’ll find our way back. If not today, then maybe the next train, somewhere in the future.
Maybe I’m just too hopeful. Still, I really miss her, and it hurts that I can’t be there for her when she’s struggling.
I find peace knowing she’s cared for by James, her husband, by Ricky, by our other friends, and by her family. I hope she likes the small gift I sent her and that things start getting better for her soon.
I truly wish that she lives the happiest possible life, no matter how she reacts to my message. I hope she gets everything out of life. She’s one of a kind.
Claire is one of those people you remember when you grow old. The kind you look back on fondly. But I really hope she boards the train with me, leaving the fallout in the past.
If not, at least I tried one last time. Because eventually, no matter what happens, I need to keep moving. The train doesn’t wait. It keeps going, whether you sit on the bench or choose to board. I’ll be boarding the next one. I have to. I’ve been on a journey and lost some luggage along the way. It’s easier to move now, and I won’t be claiming them in the lost and found. I need to reach the next station, close unfinished chapters, and keep going. 2026 is around the corner.
I have a feeling the coming year will bring a lot of change for me. To make room for that, I need to find peace with certain parts of my life, just as I’ve been doing since the letters.
The intercom crackles: Passengers, please board the train.
I take one last look at my phone, then slip it into my pocket. “Well, it’s time to go,” I whisper. I stand, walk toward the platform, and step inside. As the doors begin to close, I look back one last time and quietly ask,
“Will you be on board, Claire, or will you be taking the next one?”
Whether she ever boards the train or not, I’ve made my peace. The journey continues, and the tracks ahead are mine to follow and change as i please.
Claire,
if you ever read this, though you most likely never will, you’re still my slightly older sister. Early Happy Birthday!
love,
Andy
Author’s Note:
We’re the day before I release this blog, and somehow, after reading it several times, it hits differently every time. One thing I’m sure of is that it feels right, and sending her that final message and gift will also be the right thing to do.
This is me saying that our friendship was/is important to me, and that it’s time to love and care from afar while I keep living my life.
If she ever wants to reconnect, I’m sure she’ll make the effort to do so, and when that day comes, I’ll welcome her with open arms, a hug, and probably say something dumb like, “What took you so long?”
But until then, the train I’m on is already taking me toward my next adventure.
.
Footnote: I’ve mentioned Claire before in some of my blogs. Claire and the other names mentioned are aliases
Leuven station