Reflection Chapter: The Daily Paradox

I wrote a poem that I published on my Facebook, but I guess I can share it here too, since it is in line with some of the blogs I have written so far.

I don’t know if I should explain the poem or not. I think I would rather leave it up for interpretation. On the other hand, I think it is straightforward, but I am the one who wrote it, so I am biased.

I’ll leave it at the end of this week’s blog.

Other than that, I finally finished writing how depression felt like for me in a short story. I used metaphors and a story to illustrate it. When it was finished, I thought about publishing it this week, but I was unsure if I wanted to. After reading it carefully several times, it is clear that it shows how I personally lived through it.

Not how the average Joe would experience it. I wanted to write it from a general perspective, so I decided to keep it to myself for now. Maybe someday I’ll publish it. I think a lot of people don’t understand how depression feels or how a depressed person lives through it, and then again, there are several forms and ways it can be lived, making it harder to explain in a general way. There is no one size fits all. Although I think I nailed one feeling very well.

"He reached for air, but noticed too late that he was sinking deeper and deeper, steadily suffocating. He felt cold, then colder."

I think this sums up the moment when you are getting depressed and don’t notice you are spiraling downwards. When you do, it is already too late.

When I tried to write about it without the short story, I did what I always do: I tried to look at things from different angles so I would be able to explain it better, but I just ended up more confused. I can see different angles of the same subject, and how different people would see it, and I end up with an understanding that is often too difficult and chaotic to explain to people. So my explanation becomes unclear. It ends up making no sense because I juggle from one point of view to another.

I guess my problem is that I don’t see one angle. I see ten, and then I try to explain all ten at once.

Sounds odd, doesn’t it?

What I am getting at is that people are complex. They have their own set of beliefs and interpretations. That is why, as people, we still have wars and disagreements. We are all weirdly different.

But okay, let’s stop going into the rabbit hole right here.

Because I tend to overexplain things, which I am trying to change. I hope you enjoy the poem. See the paradox and understand the poem how I meant it, or not. Either way, I still hope you enjoyed it.

Writing poems isn’t my forte. Well, writing as a whole isn’t my forte, but it does help me.

I used to make poems in my head often, never really knowing they were poems until I came across poetry later in life. One that meant a great deal to me was Invictus by William Ernest Henley. I came across the final two lines of the poem and wanted to know where they were from. I ended up reading the whole thing and became obsessed. I could even recite it by heart at some point.

Maybe I should learn it again. It shouldn’t take long since I still remember most of the lines.

Having written a couple of unfinished and finished poems now, I wonder if I should read and write more. I think last year I wrote another one too, unknowingly knowing it was one.

I guess I am going to leave it at that for today.

I hope you guys had a nice weekend.

The Daily Paradox

There is courage in anxiety and happiness in pain.

There is good company in loneliness and freedom in insecurity.

There is kindness in the lost and unconditional love in the brokenhearted.

There is wisdom in foolishness and unfinished chapters in published books.

There are happy memories in broken relationships and compassion beneath anger.

And still, here we are,

carrying what we never asked for,

trying to understand

why it became ours.

I changed one of the lines. The original on my Facebook was:

There are happy memories in broken relationships and compassion beneath hate.

I think anger fits more than hate.

Still weird creatures, Fish.