As I dive more and more into my own psyche—learning through books, articles, and videos about mental health—I begin to understand myself and others better.

Lately, I’ve been wondering: did those 27 letters really change me? Or am I just pretending they did?

The question loops and loops in my mind. Even while traveling, the thoughts kept returning.

The truth is, writing them was exhausting.
But have I changed in any way?
Yes.
I have.
No one will tell me otherwise.

But change—real change—isn’t a single moment. It’s an everyday struggle.
Every day, I question the choices I’ve made.
The choices I’m still making.

But for me, change looks like this:
Getting up early.
Going to the gym.
Looking for work that will support the next chapter.
Accepting that this is a period where I’ll do most things alone.

Since losing some friends, I’ve had more space—more spare time to grow, to learn, to write this blog.
To remind myself that the past is behind me, the present is now, and the future is tomorrow.

And that the choices I make today—the commitments I make today—
Every time I show up for myself, whether it’s reading, journaling, going to the gym, or making plans...
They all carry forward into a new, better version of me.

Sometimes I don’t feel like reading.
Sometimes I just want to escape. Scrolling would be easier than doing the hard work.

Sitting down to write, to journal.
Hitting the gym.
Applying to jobs.
Looking for new social opportunities.
Putting myself out there.

But change doesn’t happen overnight.
I need to show up for it. Every day.
Every bit of self-talk. Every small action.

So have I changed?
Yes, I have.
But I’m still a long way from who I want to be.

And that’s okay.

Having bad days where I don’t “grind”? That’s okay too.
I’ll pick it back up the next day.

Changing isn’t easy.

It never was.

Every night, I sit with my journal and ask myself:
What can I honestly improve?
Being critical with myself—without tearing myself down—has been the hardest part.
Being honest. Putting my ego aside.

So if you’re working toward goals—whether they’re like mine or completely different—
Know this:
You are not alone.

Doubt is normal.
Not feeling like doing the work? That’s human.
Whether it’s the gym, journaling, reading, working on your dreams...
Show up anyway, even if it’s just for 10 minutes.

(And now that I mention it—I really need to get back to practicing my drawing.)

That’s it for this blog post.
Take care.

The Quiet of Night and the Lingering

What’s Really Keeping Us from Happiness?